32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
