You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
