I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
