I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
