mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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