ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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