6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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