2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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