I'm drive I can fine osifer
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
