if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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