I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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