I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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