One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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