My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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