Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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