he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was like eating out sand paper
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
