my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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