my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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