After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
