is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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