So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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