you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
