I heard we made out
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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