is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
