were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
