Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
