I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
