You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
