Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
