Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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