i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
