how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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