lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
