Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
