You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
