You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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