Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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