I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
