My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
