i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
