Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
