Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
