Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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