My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize