God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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