Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
