I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
