The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
