4 words: hood of his car
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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