it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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