you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
