sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
