Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
