Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
