I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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