Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
accomplished twins. life is a go
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
