so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
