Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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