Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
