its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
