You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
