I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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