So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
