The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
