Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
