About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
