i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
