I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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