Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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