I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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