he thought i was a dude.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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