I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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