Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
