Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
