What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
