it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
