I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
