we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
