dude i'm inner monologue high
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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