just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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