don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
