If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
