grandma shit on top of the toilet
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
