Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
