I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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