I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
