guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
