It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I supernannyed him into submission
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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