Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
