There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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