I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
