like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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