so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
