Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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